Time

Time is a friendship indicator.
It helps you realize whom you want to keep in your life and some who will eventually be those passing by.

Conversations - real conversations - are priceless. 

All the jokes, gossips and mindless laughter in the world can never measure up to how it feels to be able to actually talk to someone and get to know him/her better.

It pains me to face the truth that despite all the laughter shared, there are some people whom you wouldn't open up your heart to because they simply can't understand, and regardless of the amount of time you spend with each other, you just can't trust them with all that you have.

It also saddens me how I can't have those I care about near me, but it makes me glad how there are no awkward silences when we meet. It will always feel like old times, I can always tell you guys anything.

To those I want to keep, I really hope we'll still have lunch when we're forty.

To those who are here just for the present moment, hi.

Apology

I can't express just how hurt I was today by something I saw and endured. It was just painful, so much so that I had to walk away.

But hey, I've come to acknowledge the fact that God has His plans. I may not understand them, and I may not know why I'm going through all that shit, but I'm going to have faith that there's a silver lining behind every cloud.

After all, without hope, especially hope that things will get better, where will we be? At least, where will I be?

Trade Mistakes

Placing a smile at the perfect event
Gracing your skin with the side of my hand
If I ever leave I could learn to miss you
But "Sentimental Boy" is my nom de plume
Let me save you, hold this rope
I may never sleep tonight
As long as you're still burning bright
If I could trade mistakes
Count me away before you sleep
So I'll stay awake 'til I trade my mistakes
Or they fade away

Trade Mistakes, Panic! At The Disco 

La Joie

Today is one of those days whereby no matter how hard I try, joy can't seem to pervade my blanket of misery.

I believe that God blessed us with a natural content disposition, but it is so human of us to fail to appreciate it sometimes.

A man once said: I want happiness. Buddha would've said, "First remove 'I'; that takes away the ego. Then take away 'want'; that eliminates desire, and all you're left with is happiness. But then sometimes, my brain can be quite the scumbag. It decides to reminisce unnecessarily upon past griefs and scrutinize every little thing that I would have happily disregarded in a stint of being in a state of blissful oblivion.

I just want to break free.

I want an answer, or answers.
March seems so, so far away.

To make matters worse, nothing seems to be going right and I can't help but feel terribly fucked and fucked up (there's a difference).

Then again, I suppose today is just one of those days whereby I feel the life sucked out of me. In that one hour that I had my solitude, I wasted it away by thinking. I really wonder why I bother myself with such silly thoughts sometimes. But I just can't help it, y'know?

What I'm gonna do is go back to my hostel and blast the music.

Got new speakers.

Happy thoughts, you silly child. Happy thoughts.

Gratitude

There have been many occasions when you can't help but feel that life's being a bitch to you.

But I'm doing my best to be grateful and optimistic regardless of the situation. You'll come to a point whereby realization will dawn upon you that complaints are futile; they are hindrances that keep you from a) getting any work done, b) moving on and c) having fun.

It's a no-brainer that most things are easier said than done.

But I suppose that if you keep trying to smile, it'll soon be something that comes naturally to you.

So go out and have a nice day and smile (while I'm here doing my assignments). :)

Diving Down

I didn't think for a moment that I would even have the courage to think about this certain issue circumventing my thoughts, but fortunately, I found the strength to share it with two people who gave me rather powerful insights. The idea is to arrive at a point whereby I would achieve a sense of peace. I'm still questioning everything. Answers are obscure, unsurprisingly. But with perseverance, I know I'll get there.

The Start of the End

It's February.

Soon, since end of February will jump out on us in the blink of an eye, I will be between ecstatic and depressed. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I have come to accept that if things do not go the way I wish them to, then there's nothing I can do about it. Nevertheless, I cannot deny that I will feel this sinking feeling that will drag me to the depths of God-knows-where.

In my head, I picture the rejection letters.

I wonder if they have the same opening sentence.

But how it would when the one and only place where I wish to be is the place which wouldn't have me?

Then again, I stumbled across this saying which seems to answer a lot of things, if you believe it.

God answers in three ways.

He says yes and gives you what you want.

He says no and gives you something better.

He says wait and gives you the best.